My Very Real Encounter With Domestic Violence
Last year, I almost died. A man that I had been involved with decided to choke me damn near to death in the Brooklyn Theatre after the Jill Scott concert.He happens to be a celebrity barber so he was there. His energy was different. He was recalling my life (although we didn't follow each other on social media) & making threats (like "I'm not going to be the one going to work with bruises on my face" or "Do you think your petite frame would really do something against my build & frame") that I thought were idle because the situationship was never violent, physically at least. He was talking shit & there were laughs & chuckles. He said some thing & I said that he was the reason we were not together was because of him, not me. I told him that if he said ______ again, I was going to pour water on him. He gestured with his hand around my neck (but not touching me) & said "if you pour water on me, I am going to choke you until you can't breathe. Again, I was like "whatever" because he never seriously threatened me before. He said the ______ words & I poured a little of my water on him (granted I realized that that wasn't the smartest decision to make but since when does a teaspoon of water kill anyone?). Next thing I knew, this 6'4" 200+ pound man picked me up by my throat & carried me away from my friends. Like, my feet not on the floor. I tried to breathe, but I couldn't. I tried to make room around my neck with my hands, but I literally was no match. I couldn't scream because I couldn't breathe. A calm spirit cane over me. For some reason, I rationalized that if I stay calm & preserve my energy, I can keep myself alive. So I just relaxed my body. He let me go for a second & then proceeded to put me in a choke hold. I heard my neck crack & I literally thought "this is how I go out, this is how I die. I thought I had more life to live than this." I don't know how long this all lasted, but I remember turning my eyes to see if anyone was near me & there were was a man & a woman walking towards us. They didn't say anything (I don't know if they even saw anything), but they kept walking in our direction. He finally let me go & I damn near ran towards my friends screaming "go to the bathroom NOW! He just choked me!" My assailant had the nerve to even say "have a good night". My friends were so confused, so was I. I was in shock & I couldn't process what happened. He called me a few minutes later & had the NERVE to say that I was so rude & he's never been disrespected so much in his life. How he couldn't cut Jill's hair because his shirt was wet (I realized that when he choked me & carried me away, my water bottle was still open so in my natural reflex to grab my neck, I got him even more wet). But yea....he said I was disrespectful. Can you imagine that? My mother (who is in law enforcement) called him & he admitted to what he had done to her. My room mate/best friend called him & at first he lied about everything until I let him know that I was on the phone too & then he tried to blame me calling me a crazy Jamaican. He said he was sorry, but of course he wasn't.
I posted about it the next day & he had his goodies come to my page to victim blame me calling me a "psychopathic bitch" that "needed to take my medication". Calling me a ho for previously dating someone on of the women knew. Laughing at me. Threatening to "fuck me up" when I saw them.
It upset me because they were women & one of them even had a daughter. How could you act this way towards your fellow sister when YOU too were assaulted not to long before I. What would I gain from telling the truth? He wasn't rich, I didn't need to sue him. It also hurt me because victim blaming is SO real & I imagined my 17 year old self when I got raped. I felt like I was right in not talking about it because I would have been severely blamed for what had happened to me & probably would've killed myself because I wouldn't have been able to handle that much bullying in the mental state that I was in. It hurt my heart that so many WOMEN victim blame WOMEN.
So many people told me to press charges, by I didn't for two reasons. 1. He has 3 children, one son & two daughters. Still in my heart, I didn't want them growing up without a father. Growing up with a father who was in jail. I knew that pressing charges would've ruined his career and his children would have nothing.
2. Pressing charges wouldn't have done anything for me. I would've spent so much time focusing on negative energy in courthouses, having to testify & relive what happened over & over again....I didn't want to invest any of my good energy in "bringing someone down" because I wouldn't have enjoyed any bit of it. I knew that karma would take care of things for me.
I don't really talk about this much, especially in full detail, but I learned that showing my scars helps others heal. I learned that in me speaking out about being abused, it helps others as well. I pray that reading this have SOMEONE the courage to speak out and stand up for themselves. Please, if you can, just tell ONE person, even if it a stranger.
No one has control over you or the power over you. They are weak & that is why they make you believe that. YOU have the power and you deserve to be treated with love & respect.
I have been through so much in this lifetime. I have been abused in every which way you can think of.....and I AM STILL HERE. Just like me, you will survive & you will thrive!