We Heal Too Is No More
You read that correctly. I have to put We Heal Too to rest.
Writing this is triggering AS FUCK and it's breaking my heart to know that I have to release something that I love so much, that I poured so much into.
If you didn't know, We Heal Too was an organization that I created in 2016 out of a feeling of needing to do something in the height of police brutality. I was tired of crying out in anguish about racism and how my people were being systematically killed like animals on the street, with no repercussion. The event that was put together lead to a creation of a whole other entity, something bigger than what I had ever envisioned. I then sought out to create more safe spaces, depict a more accurate representation of Black women healing, and share digestible healing information with those who looked like me. Essentially I created what I wish I had when I was starting my healing journey.
Over the years, so many people told me online and in person how much We Heal Too was needed, how much they loved what We Heal Too stood for. It warmed my heart to know that so many other people that looked like me resonated with an assignment that Spirit gave to me.
In all honesty, it all looked seamless on the surface, but behind the scenes, it was not that easy. From its inception, there were people who wanted to help, but their presence came and went. I am not upset that they chose to do what's best for them, I am upset that time and time again, I found myself carrying the load of most of the operations. I get that it was “my” vision, but people said they were committed and yet and still, time and time again, these same people disappeared. I am a firm believer of being impeccable with your word and your word is bond. I was always honest about the goal, how parts would be played/roles could be filled. I was always direct in saying that if they had to move on, to let me know...but I didn't always get that courtesy. It was another reminder that people are not me, that people do not have the same thought process as I do, and that I should not hold people to the standards of what I would have done in that situation.(Disclaimer: there were people that helped along the way, and for their time + energy I am grateful)
At the end of the day, I always had the philosophy of "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." I never wanted or intended to do this alone. It was never about me (if you saw our social media or our website, you barely saw my face). One of my best and favorite abilities is to see the big picture, to see the potential. I knew that We Heal Too could be amazing from the day of our first event.
It breaks my heart because I had so many ideas for this organization. I really wanted to build it up so that eventually I could pay myself and 4-5 other Black women WELL. I wanted to create the ideal work situation where everyone loved their jobs, they were well taken care of, they were able to pay their bills and then some, and the employees would then have the ability to empower themselves so that they could truly step into their powers and abilities. I planned on creating so many spaces digitally and physically for Black women. I planned on creating opportunities for education and ways to give back to our communities. I as ready to do the work to get us there, but it is clear that not everyone felt the same way or saw what I saw. I had to learn to accept that.
What it comes down to is that I cannot do this alone and I cannot plan the path of an organization when I need to get my own life in order. This is a hard pill to swallow and We Heal Too not growing creates a great sadness in my core. We Heal Too was like my baby, and I feel like I watched her slowly die in my arms. I am doing my best to not put this under my “Another Thing That Jazzy Failed At” belt, but it sure does feel like it.
Maybe it was wrong timing. Perhaps this isn't what I am supposed to be doing. Either way, I am in a state of grief.
I just wanted to share this release with you all in hopes that you understand that although We Heal Too was needed, I don't have the bandwidth to maintain and support her growth.
I will say that I am grateful to the lessons that I learned along the way. I am grateful for the people who did help and give in the ways that they were able to. I am grateful to have been able to create something beautiful. I am honored to have so many women love what I created. I am grateful to have created so many safe spaces and so much representation of Black women in the healing realm.
My work is not done. I don’t know what is next, but We Heal Too will always be my baby that helped me realize my potential. She will always be in my heart.