I Chopped My Hair Off
I had been having thoughts about short hair for a while. I kept trying to push them away because whenever I spoke the words of wanting short hair, something dramatic would happen, like my hair breaking out. I would change my thoughts, like "Girl, you don't want short hair. You've been growing your hair out. It's so long!" I even told myself that I would let my hair grow as long as it could and then chop it when I was 40-50 years old. I was sitting in my room, minding my business when the idea came to me again, HARD. I couldn't ignore it. So I asked myself "what is really holding you back from cutting your hair?". I couldn't come up with anything. I don't care what people think. I know I had long, beautiful hair...but it is hair. It will grow back.
This was another test of non-attachment for me. Not holding on to things that I didn't truly need. At this point in my journey, I am in a major shedding/releasing phase. On top of it all, I didn't do much with my hair because of this Georgia heat. It was never out so no one knew how long my hair really was anyways. So for me, I looked at is as less of a burden to deal with, plus my products would last a lot longer (my budget is so crazy right now!).
I text two of my best friends about my thoughts. They were the only two people I told. They were super supportive. I then went on Instagram to ask for a low cost/barter friendly barber, & then I said F it. I have hair shears right in my bathroom and my mother knows how to do hair. Why do I need to wait on other people?
I went into my mother's room & told her what I wanted to do. She, of course, opposed it because she is very old school Jamaican (and VERY Black) and she places a woman value and beauty in her hair. I didn't pay her any mind because I got my tendency to change up my hair from her. She has literally had EVERY hairstyle on her head known to man at one point or the other. My mother is the reason why I even know how to do hair because she would make me fix styles if they messed up. So after a bit of convincing, she reluctantly helped me.
As she held the shears to my hair, I didn't feel nervous. I felt very "I'm ready. Hurry up & get it over with". After she cut it, I felt so light and free. No paranoia about how I was going to look set in. Even when I woke up the next morning, I felt the same. No regrets.
I am excited for this new hair. I don't know what I am going to do with it just yet as far as styling goes, but Im here for the journey. I didn't let something like hair become my identity. I am literally not my hair. My physical appearance is NOT what makes me me. My physical is an ever changing representation of how I feel on the inside. I am tired of people holding SO MUCH value and emphasis on what someone's outward appearance is, something they chose to show you. Who are they within? What is it that they don't show everyone? What are they made out of? Those are the real questions that people need to inquire about.
Any who, of course I documented it, so you can watch the video on my youtube channel!